My recent exploits in the Hedge have clarified my destiny for greatness. To think that I once would have settled for Mayor, when the throne of Winter King was unclaimed! Of course, I must prove to the Court that I am the best suited for the position. And the best way to win the support of timid, depressed, hiding sheep? Why, to be the most timid, most depressed, most hidden sheep of them all!

I began my month hiding in Jennifer Brisk’s garage. Every morning she strode past the tool cabinet wherein I triumphantly laid in wait, curled to fit within its emptied confines. By day, I wreaked mischief within her house – trashing her bottle of ketchup, washing and folding her laundry. My clues were carelessly overlooked.

She masked her surprise well when I revealed my cunning at the end of the first week. She seemed unphased by my formal announcement to usurp her, but I know she was secretly nervous. When I demanded to join the Winter court, she decreed that if I could remain hidden for one full month – outside of her house, she additionally stipulated – then the Court would grant my petition.

Tim, Svetlana, and Jake were similarly oblivious to my plans. I took up residence in Svetlana’s closet, hiding inside a soiled squirrel costume. After a week or so, I overheard her Svetlana and Tim speaking. Something was up. So I followed.

They met Jake at a fight club. The line was impossibly long, but I had no trouble getting in. Naturally. They eventually made their way in and met a very large black lady named Nefertiti. I watched from the shadows, sneaking drinks off the trays of passing waitresses. After some time, Nefertiti said her goodbyes and left the table. I rapidly assumed her form and intercepted, smiling. She paused, shook her head, and left the club.

Then we met at Halfbaked. I was there too – this time, watching them from across the room while posing as a customer. Nehemiah met them. Reading their lips, they kept mentioning the Waffle House. Knowing their next meeting spot, I rushed to beat them there.

I bribed a waitress to go home during her smoke break and assumed her form. The Waffle House lingo was tricky to master, but I bluffed my way through it in perfect form. Two other changelings were waiting. I revealed my Mein while serving coffee – they were at first freaked out, but a coy wink smoothed them over. My companions showed… turns out one of the changelings was Svetlana’s brother, or something. An order was up, so I caught the family reunion in passing.

Then they went to Georgia Tech. I hid in the girl’s bathroom. This one girl was really having issues on the toilet… she must have eaten a raw horse! Then Svetlana found a closet portal to the Hedge. I was in the bedroom too – I snuck up through the ceiling vents, beating Svetlana there – of course.

I’m awesome.