Games, all sorts

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Upon returning to Alestia from visiting Hathandar's castle thing in Celestia, I immediately headed to his temple and sat down to pray up to him and apologize profusely for invading his home to come talk to him, that I had tried to explain to Grey that that's not how things worked… oh fricking A, I sounded like such a childish whiner. So I stopped, and stared at the extremely high, extremely ornate ceiling of the temple vacantly for a while.

After a few minutes Ari came to sit down next to me. I complained to him about Grey making us go talk to Hathandar in person, and how I had tried to talk him out of it but that we ended up going anyway and I was completely embarrassed, and… Ugh. He listened to me complain for a few minutes before I finally ran out of steam.

Mostly, I was wearied from curing a seemingly endless number of people of the plague, and the recent realization that we'd been used and abused by Kaz was weighing heavily upon my heart, but the biggest thing was that we now had an end-date for any actions we planned on taking against Veris et al before they all became too powerful for us to have any chance of being able to deal with. I realized it was much easier to cope with the idea of slaying a powerful being when you didn't really have to face the exact date in which you would have to do the deed. But now I was staring at my own mortality, within the month. I was scared, sad, angry and determined. I was feeling sorry for myself to have to deal with this seemingly undefeatable foe, to have lived such a short life, so full of misery only to have it end like this.

I didn't say any of this to Ari, but he seemed to understand my mood, and put his arm around my shoulder and just let me lean against him and space out, my mind wandering.

I think I must've dozed off after a while because at some point later I jerked awake suddenly, for seemingly no reason at all. Ari was still next to me, looking down at me, an unreadable expression on his face. I rubbed my eyes, let out an embarrassingly big yawn, and then apologized for dozing off in the temple. How irreverent of me.

He smiled and told me that it's okay, the main part of the temple was here to comfort the followers of Hathandar in whatever way they needed. And if what I needed most was a nap, then that wasn't too much to ask. Just better not make a habit of it, he added, winking at me. A smile grew on my face and I told him okay.

After a minute, he somewhat meekly asked if he could ask me a few questions about my meeting with Hathandar. I told him sure, which seemed to open a veritable floodgate of questions. It was interesting, Ari seemed so very excited and a little jealous that I'd been able to meet Hathandar, while I felt ashamed about imposing upon him in his home. Unfortunately for Ari, I was only really able to answer a few questions about how how we were shown in, and how Hathandar himself had appeared and acted, since we had wasted no time on small talk or tours etc while there. I remarked to Ari, slightly amused, how the two of them seemed to have vaguely similar appearances, what with the blond hair and sorta hazel-ish eyes. Ari's face turned red at that, which I found a bit amusing. Truly, I did not understand the nature of priests and clerics at all.

Ari continued his questioning for some time, and when he finally fizzled out, I took that opportunity to stand up, stretch, and comment that it might be a good idea if I headed home and took a nap or something, since I hadn't realized how exhausted I was. He offered to walk me home, and I accepted.

As we arrived to the front gate of the house I (now, huh) lived in, I turned to Ari and gave him a peck on the cheek and thanked him for walking me home, telling him that I always felt so much better after stopping into the temple and talking with him (and, to myself, unloading upon poor Hathandar). I let him know that I'd be by the temple again tomorrow, and probably most of the rest of this week. He gave me a rather sterile hug and said if I need anything at all, he is always here to help.

I watched him as he walked away and was struck by how, it seemed, Ari was suddenly treating me differently, keeping me at a distance, now that he knew I had met Hathandar in person. He acted like I was now some kind of sacred object blessed by the god himself, and not to be touched or defiled in any way by his poor, pitiful hands. When in reality it was Grey and I who had irreverently kicked Hathandar's door in, asking to talk to him, and demanding favors of him! If anything, we should be cursed by Hathandar for behaving so rudely and violating protocol!

But again, it seemed, I truly did not understand the nature of priests. It was stupid for Ari to think this way; he was the one chosen by Hathandar, not me. He can send up prayers to the god and be answered, I cannot. I will never be as close to Hathandar as he is, and I would've thought he would realize this.

I stood there for as long as it took, watching Ari's form get farther and farther away from me, until finally he disappeared around a corner. He was gone. I sighed unhappily, and turned, heading into the house, and crashing for nearly 14 hours straight.

The next day I drug myself out of bed and headed over to talk to Doak. He'd sorta been my “partner in crime” since we were younger, and we really had a good understanding of where we stood with each other, which would make it so much easier to talk to him than really, just about anyone else, regarding my recent love woes.

Doak and I sat in one of the back rooms of the Inn while Liri took up his slack in the common room. Normally Doak liked to give me a hard time, teasing and such, but he was perceptive enough today to keep it in check as we sat down over a couple of ales and talked in hushed tones.

I had sort of an embarrassed expression on my face as I explained to him about what had happened in Toril with Drellin and then my realizations about Wil because of it, and also who Wil was and how I had met him. Doak sat and listened quietly and attentively with a neutral expression on his face as I unloaded the whole ridiculous story onto him.

Finally, he asked me if I was here seeking advice or if I just needed to tell someone about it, that he didn't want to just start volunteering advice if such a thing was unwelcome. I held my hand up to him indicating he should say whatever he thought about it.

He leaned back in his chair and took a swig of his ale before beginning. “I'll start with this Drellin guy. He sounds like a nice guy, although I realize the whole story comes from a biased source. And I don't particularly understand the whole thing about you not wanting cause problems in his plane with your Manifestation by moving there to be with him, so I'll just have to take your word on that. However, if you find that your excuse for not returning to his plane, returning to him, is a flimsy one, perhaps you should re-evaluate how much you do in fact like him.”

Doak paused, eying me intently for a moment, then continued. “Either way, I think for most normal people, two days is not much time to decide whether or not you're in love with someone. Most people don't work that way. Or maybe most people don't work that way most of the time. I understand that your concern about this being a flip-flop of your previous relationship with Akira, but I think it's a little early to make that assumption. Give the poor man some time to sort out his feelings.”

I felt really stupid now, Doak always seemed to have a way of making everything sound so obvious and logical. And he was usually right. “Now, let's skip to this Wil character. I think your feelings for him are a little more normal. Normal, as in that's how it usually happens, and is a lot less…,” he paused and made a slight face, “… insane.”

I gave him a pointed look, and he just smiled at me and shrugged. “I think you should give Drellin a breather, and give your own feelings for him time to dull some, and see how you feel about him in, say, a couple months from now. In the meantime, it may be a good idea to go see Wil again since you haven't seen him in so long but still have feelings of some sort for him.”

At my frown, he quickly added, “I know you said you wanted him to make some kind of effort on your behalf first, but to be honest… that's a really childish way of looking at it.”

I opened my mouth to insert something defensive, but he held his hand up to me, indicating I should stop. “You said he was in the army, and as such you must realize that his movements and placement are completely controlled by his commanding officer, and their commanding officer, and so on. He doesn't really have the luxury of coming to see you just willy-nilly. It is possible that he gets some leave occasionally, but you realize that up until a few weeks ago the war machine of Upper Thalia was still in high gear, necessitating increased troop presence on the border, which you told me is where he's stationed.”

I sighed, looking down into my lap. Doak was right. After a moment I looked back up at him, and he studied my face briefly before continuing. “Go see him. See how you feel about him when he walks into the room, now that you have met Drellin. And then see how you feel about Drellin after you've seen Wil again. It could be that you remain just as confused as before, or it could be that the entire situation is cleared up in an instant. Either way, it's no worse a situation than you're in currently.”

“You're right,” I stated matter-of-factly. “I think I am scared of going to see Wil just to see him. Always, before, I was simply passing through on the way to do something with the boys. He's going to know something's up if I visit him by myself, just to see him.” I frowned, but continued, “but if that turns out to be a problem for him, then at least he will have settled things from his end and I can move on from there.”

Doak nodded in agreement to that. “Settled,” he repeated.

I exhaled loudly, “I think I'm going to wait for a few weeks, though.” Doak looked like he was about to object, but this time I held my hand up, silencing him. “There's something I must do in that time period that, one, may render all of this angst pointless, and two, I can't go into with my emotions in chaos if he rejects me or whatever, or otherwise emotionally distracted.”

Doak quirked an eyebrow at me and asked, almost rhetorically, “do you really think it's all that likely he's going to reject you?”

I looked down at my ale, took a swig, and finally replied after a long pause. “I… don't think so. I guess. But… ” I trailed off in thought, looking up at the ceiling now, “I, well…. I have other reservations about actually having a relationship with Wil. Loving him is one thing, but working out the logistics of being with him… that's something completely different, and nearly intractable in our current situations. Which is why I wanted to wait until he came to me. At least then I would know he was willing to go to some effort for me without actually having to ask it of him.”

“It all sounds like a big headache to me,” Doak shrugged, “Good luck with all that.”

“Gee thanks,” I replied, smiling. “By the way, how's it going with that chick I saw you leave with at the pool party.”

“I see what you're trying to do,” Doak replied, grinning back at me. “Her name is Rienna. We had a good time, but it was just a casual one-time thing. I am to understand that her family is fishing with her as the lure, and I am no where near what they are trying to catch.”

“I see,” I replied, a little curious about Doak's tone. He's not usually so… something. I don't know. But he didn't seem to want to talk about it, so I decided it was probably time to be heading back. “Well, I've made Liri do all your chores for you for long enough I think, I should probably get going.”

With that I stood. Doak stood too, but I stopped on the way to the door and turned around to face him. “Thank you, Doak, for your help and kindness, always.” I paused, awkwardly, “My life has been swirling around in chaos lately. I can't believe months ago I was just a stable hand, and now… look at all that's happened. I feel like I'm reading a story book about someone I don't know at all.”

I reached forward and gave him a long hug. He held me easily, and I embraced him for quite a long time. I wondered dimly if this was going to be the last time I'd ever see him. “It's never a problem, Cassie. I am always here, if you need me.”

I finally pulled back away from him and smiled at him. “Thank you.”

He opened the door for me, and stood to the side. “After you, Princess.”

“Pfft,” I replied, and headed through the door. I stopped and talked to Liri for a few minutes. It was interesting how we both specifically avoided any mention at all of Boyce. My romantic woes may be troublesome, but the thing going on between Boyce and Liri was a complete and utter disaster. Mostly because Boyce was a disaster, but there's really nothing anyone can do about that. I considered trying to introduce her to some of the guys I knew now amongst the Alestian nobility, but decided it was best not to touch that situation with a ten-spans-in-length pole.

With that, I headed back out into the street, and off to the temple of Hathandar to meditate for a while.

I headed over to the temple of Hathandar, but instead of heading inside, I simply sat down on a bench outside and stared up at the building for a while. I wondered what Hathandar did all day up there in Celestia. Don't gods get bored? It seems they can't act directly on Farne, or at least, it must be difficult enough that most don't do it very often. So what do they do?

My mind then started wandering to Drellin and Wil and I started silently feeling sorry for myself again. I really was some kind of pathetic mess. And this was the person who was going to slay Sanria Veris? Really? The more I lamented over my screwed up love life, the more I loathed myself for getting so worked up over it.

Presently, I felt someone sit down on the bench next to me, snapping me out of my reverie. I looked over, and my eyes nearly popped out of my head upon seeing an elf sitting there. He was dressed in the colors of Hathandar, but not really in clothes like any of the priests wore from any of the Hathandarian temples I had seen.

He greeted me merrily, and asked me if I was going to go in, indicating the temple. I told him that I had been intending to, but that I didn't feel like it right now, that Hathandar probably would not really enjoy listening to me ramble about my romantic woes. He indicated that that was what Hathandar was there for, for his followers.

I smiled faintly, and replied that I supposed that was true. But told him that I had pestered Hathandar enough recently, and that I'd spare him this one.

My smile caused the elf to smile in turn, and he scrutinized my face quietly as the silence lengthened, but deigned not to say anything in reply. So, before things got REALLY weird or awkward, I finally held out my hand and introduced myself as Cassandra. He took my hand, shook it, and introduced himself as Tionathre, saying that was the short version of his name. But that if I wanted to call him by the even shorter version, Tion, that was fine too.

I asked him if he was part of the temple, and he explained that he worked for the Sturmgaardian Embassy attached to the temple. I stared at him as he spoke, and felt almost like I was talking to a dog. I had never talked to an elf before, and he seemed completely alien to me. It was weird.

We chatted pleasantly for a few minutes, and finally I asked if he would like to meet me for dinner to continue our conversation? He seemed pleased by that suggestion and accepted. We decided on a place that seemed to be about halfway between my house and the temple complex, and agreed to meet there at 19th hour.

After parting ways with Tion, allowing him to get back to work, I headed home to ruminate on elves, hoping to get my mind off of Drellin and Wil, to the degree possible.

I arrived to the restaurant a little bit early, and sat at a table for two and ordered a glass of wine. I had dressed nicely, in a dress faintly of Masayuman flavor, and preened a bit, getting my hair and everything just so, before coming.

I was a little nervous since I had never spoken with an elf beyond scripted exchanges, like in stores and such, so I had no idea what to expect. I had to admit, I had like a MILLION questions for him. Being a practitioner of Life-oriented powers, the differences between humans and elves intrigued me. I just hope he wouldn't be too offended by my questions.

Tion arrived not much later than I did, still before the agreed upon time. He was also dressed nicely I noticed, in something that must've been of elvish styling because its appearance was rather foreign to me.

I stood as he approached and reached forward and took his hand and thanked him for coming tonite. He flushed a little and told me that he had been looking forward to it all day. What a weird response.

Anyway, we both sat down, ordered some food, and began our conversation by exchanging pleasantries for a few minutes. Finally, after all those formalities were out of the way, the floodgate opened and my million questions about elves began pouring out of me. Tion answered them bemusedly as well as he could, and seemed relieved when I finally switched topics to his job, and what he did for the Sturmgaardian Embassy. Which, it turned out, he was a trusted courier for the Embassy.

I also discovered that he was 187 years old! That's old! I mean, by human standards of course. I guess, he told me, it translated to approximately 17 in human years. Well, physically speaking. Maturity-wise, was probably older than that. I was a bit confounded by the idea. 187! It made my head swim.

Once I finally finished with my interrogation, dinner was nearly over. Tion asked if I wanted to take a walk with him to continue our discussion. I told him sure. We headed out to a park and I brought some bread to feed the birds.

We walked together and chatted pleasantly for a while. I eventually thought to ask him if he wanted to ask me anything? I lamented that I had been thoughtless in my rude questioning of him, without offering him the chance to question me back. Even though it was somewhat dark out, I saw his face flush a little, and Tion asked me if I wanted to come back by his place and try some of his elvish dessert wine?

I stared at him for a moment, and then proceeded to ask him some irrelevant, time-wasting related questions before replying. Okay, so, I could totally see what he was up to now. But… with an elf? It just seemed weird. I mean, he was visually appealing, but to the point of it being an incredibly alien sort of beauty. He didn't feel human. I mean, he wasn't. But he almost seemed inhuman to the point of being the equivalent of a dog.

But he wasn't. Humans and elves could mate, just look at Hathandar, the half-elf. So Tion wasn't really the same as a dog. And really, physically, elves and humans were basically the same. Only a few very minor details differed between the two “species”, and not really any of them worth noting. At least, not from a Life perspective.

Well, what the hell. He was nice, and I was a little bit toasted from all that wine at dinner. I told him sure, that sounded fun.

And so he led me back to his place. It was small, and sparse. He had a quilted pallet on the floor which must be what he sleeps on, and a short sitting table (no chairs) nearby. It really reminded me of Masayuman-styled homes, I commented offhandedly. He poured me some wine and said he didn't know about that, he had never been to Masayume. I told him that I had a couple of times, and that my father was from there.

We sipped wine and chatted about Masayume a little bit, and Valenesti a little bit too. The elvish wine was a bit stronger than the wine I was used to. And very sweet. But not bad.

I knew, at a high level, what Tion was up to having me here, but I was not exactly sure I would be able to recognize an attempt by him to push the situation on to that end. We hadn't really discussed elven mating procedures; that would definitely have been awkward. Just as I started thinking that things were getting a little weird and maybe I ought to excuse myself and head home, he finally looked at me with a weird expression, his face flushed again (what the heck was up with that!), and he essentially propositioned me in the most ridiculous way imaginable.

I wanted to facepalm, I really did. Instead, I pursed my lips to keep from snickering and sat my nearly-empty wine glass next to me on the sitting table. I had a moment of hesitation, thinking… THIS, with an elf… just really weird. And then, thinking, well, I was probably making a big deal out of nothing. And the alcohol buzz as well helped to was away my strange discomfort over the idea.

I hiked my dress up a bit so I could crawl over to him on hands and knees, and then I lifted myself up onto his lap, straddling him, and leaned forward, putting my arms around him and kissing him with great intensity (yay, alcohol!).

Fortunately, he needed no further prompting, and we made out for a few minutes like that, before he leaned me backwards onto the ground, with him now laying on top of me.

It didn't take long to figure out why Tion had approached me in the first place. All the pieces sort of clicked into place. Elves in general were small, and skinny. Tion himself was only a few inches taller than me, much shorter than most humans, and much less substantial in body than any of the guys I typically bedded. Elf girls, likewise, small and skinny. And utterly flat-chested.

Not that I had a massive rack, but, like elves, I was both rather small and skinny for a human. However, I did have average human-sized boobs, which are much larger than elven boobs. Tion, it seemed, had something of a boob fetish. But I didn't have much time to be amused by the idea, as he was also an incredible lover, which pretty much sent any coherent thoughts flying out of my mind.

This night was very weird for me. The human and elvish anatomy didn't fit together quite properly, and while I could compensate for that somewhat with my powers over Life, the part that wasn't magical almost seemed somehow more magical. I'd never had an experience quite like this. It wasn't bad by any means, but it was very different and turned out to be a surprising amount of effort on both our parts.

After doing “stuff” a few times, I finally went to sleep at his place, him having indicated that was fine by him. I woke up the next morning and took him for another round before finally departing his place. He left me with an open invitation to visit him anytime.

I headed home to touch base with the boys, and take care of some lurking chores for the rest of the day.

That evening there was a knock at the door. Since everyone else seemed to be wrapped up doing other things, I answered it. And, there stood Tion before me.

I was, needless to say, shocked. “Tion?” I asked, not knowing what else to say. He smirked at my surprised expression and then handed me a scroll.

I gave him a piercing look and took it from him, opened it, and read it. “Sturmgaard?” I questioned. He tilted his head questioningly at me and said it must be something important. Oh that's right, Tion's a courier for the Sturmgaardian Embassy.

As I stared down at the young… old… elf, I could feel the color seeping out of my face. I squeezed the scroll in my hand, crumpling it a little. This was … this had to be Hathandar's reply to our query. I was suddenly VERY nervous with anticipation.

I thanked Tion awkwardly and told him I'd see him around the temple probably. He bowed to me and departed. I closed the door and went to find the boys. Following that, we would be heading up to see Vana in Celestia, and she in turn would send us to Sturmgaard.

Following our return from Sturmgaard, we headed to Celestia to discuss seemingly endlessly what to do about what Hathandar had told us. Boyce was able to determine the location of the sword in that time, and then we made the decision that at least for now, we needed to give Parnth time to get her people ready to take over, and in the meantime, liberate what redheads Veris had in stock right now at her home. Also, we needed to steal Veris's list of people still needing to be acquired, and pretty much take all of them to Celestia to reside safely in Vana's citadel until it was safe for them to return to Farne.

After we had all of that banged out, we came back to Alestia to sleep and prepare. Nearly as soon as we touched down, I headed straight to the temple of Hathandar with… I don't know what in mind. But needless to say, I was internally freaking out at the seemingly impossible task ahead of us.

Tion must've seen me come in, because just after I sat down in one of the rows of benches in the main temple chamber, he gracefully alighted upon on the bench next to me without saying a word. I didn't look at him, or say anything for a long while; instead, I watched people bustle around, priests going in and out of the main hall, and thought about Kaz and his little cult. These people truly believe in Hathandar and his wisdom, and everything he stands for, with all of their beings. They serve him utterly, and are completely and thoroughly devoted to him as well as awed by his existence/presence/blessing. I wonder if it is the same for Kaz's cult, or if he was really, truly being used. Things just didn't add up, even with Vana's added information.

It seemed stupid for Kaz to send us on a wild goose chase to have us figure out who he was if he already knew, knowing that we would only find that any surviving records of him listed him as an evil bastard that deserved what he got. Why would he send us to do that if he knew what we would find about him wouldn't be good? That was the biggest thing that did not make sense. Because, inevitably, such a wild goose chase would eventually come down to this: he would have to be killed. What other conclusion could we really come to? It was a very slight possibility that this was the case, but… I just couldn't believe that he actually WANTED to die. Maybe he did? But it just didn't seem to fit with what we knew about him from times long past. But he had been imprisoned for such a long time. Perhaps he regretted some of his actions from back then?

And anyway, Kaz may be using us to some degree, but is it really of his own will? Being imprisoned as he was, perhaps it was really Anzja pulling all the strings… but to what end? And even if not, does Kaz really think he can resurrect Azranael? Didn't he learn ANYTHING from his comrades whom he helped to slay, who were doing the same thing, trying to resurrect that Ambriel person? If Kaz had a brain in his head and/or was thinking straight, couldn't he see that it was no different than their goal had been back then? Does he really want to suffer the same fate as them for the same bad decisions they made?

I started feeling bad for Kaz. I didn't particularly like him, but he had never directly done anything to harm us. And if Hathandar was to be believed, which I saw no reason to doubt his words, once upon a time Kaz had done a good turn for Farne as well. Wasn't that worth anything? Isn't being imprisoned for a thousand years enough of a penance for the personal sins he committed against a few individuals?

I realized I was starting to feel sorry for him. I didn't want it to be that the only way of stopping this was to kill Kaz. There had to be another way. Couldn't there be? Can't he be redeemed? Redeemed at least enough to the point that he would realize that he cannot resurrect Azranael and to just leave that whole thing to rest?

Vana had said that she was reborne on Farne, not born on Farne. Kaz seemed to be similar, but devilish. If he was freed, but with no more intention of attempting to resurrect Azranael, would he just leave Farne like Vana did, and return to Hell for the rest of his existence? What reason does he have to stay here (assuming he no longer seeks to resurrect Azranael)?

But maybe he wouldn't leave, maybe he would stay and ascend to full-fledged godhood as a new God of Night of Farne. But, did it really matter? What's one more evil god amongst the plethora of other evil gods? None of whom seem to be able to take much action on Farne anyways. Aya, his former comrade, had ascended to godhood, but then again, she was originally borne of Farne, unlike Kaz. So it made sense for her. Did it make sense for Kaz, who was not of this world? Farne seemed like small peanuts for someone who had no real direct ties to it.

It seemed I needed more guidance on this issue after all. If there was a chance at all, no matter how slim, to redeem Kaz, at least to the degree of giving up this stupid Azranael resurrection idea, then it seemed worth it to pursue that option first. Perhaps Hathandar would have an idea about that. Presently, he had given us a means to achieve to our stated goal, but not really offered us any alternative solutions since we hadn't asked for alternatives. And after all, it was Hathandar who had thrown us the curve ball of telling us “he wasn't all bad” when we talked to him (it still boggles my mind that a god of good could say that about a devil).

Getting away from Kaz a little, my outlook on Veris had begun to change too. It was slightly irksome to me to start to feel so bad for my enemies, but I couldn't really help it. I started to think that maybe Veris was originally someone, good or bad, who had had a little bit of ambition, and that between Kaz and Anzja somehow, her bit of ambition was latched onto, and twisted and perverted (possibly, or probably against her will) into the monster that Veris was now.

Perhaps long ago, Veris wanted to rule Upper Thalia, and Anzja saw an opportunity, and offered her the means to do so, if Veris helped her out. And so Veris accepted of course, after all, why not? But perhaps Veris was never clued into just what she would be getting herself into until it was too late to stop it? Perhaps what remained of Veris's mind loathed what she had become, hated being used like she was, and dearly desired to put an end to it somehow. Maybe she now wished, with what little clarity remained in her, that she had never wanted to rule Upper Thalia, and that she could do something, anything, to stop Kaz and Anzja. Was there any real way to know?

Perhaps Boyce could do some divinations about this, and if he gets nothing but static, then we can turn to Hathandar for an answer. If this speculation was correct, it was possible that Veris could actually provide us some assistance, if she could just manage to wrest control over what she had become for long enough to give us a chance to … put an end to the monster… and her. It was a slim chance, though, and no one ever _wanted_ to die, which would ultimately be what we would be asking of her.

But, it was also worth a shot, if it was at all remotely possible.

“Hey, Tion,” I offered finally. “Do you think gods are ever mistaken about the capability of people to accomplish the tasks they set for them?” I looked at him, studying his face as he formulated a reply.

Tion looked at me curiously for a long moment, and asked finally, “You do not trust Hathandar's good judgment, yet you come here so often seeking his guidance?” Tion asked curiously.

(Often?) “I feel extremely ill-prepared for the task ahead of me.” I replied, uncomfortably, “If I survive this, it will be a miracle.”

“What good does it do Hathandar to get his followers killed in impossible situations?” Tion wondered, sounding far more sage-like than the equivalent of a 17-year old ought to.

I let the silence hang between us for a few moments while I pondered my reply. “Nothing is ever guaranteed just because a god endorses it. Besides, Hathandar can't really do anything to help us, and having me as a follower does him no good really, so why not send me off on an impossible task?”

“Why would you think that you are unimportant to Hathandar?” He seemed surprised I would think so, “it would seem if Hathandar has entrusted an important task to you, that you more important to him than many of his other followers.”

I sighed and looked over at him, studying his face for a long time. His purple eyes were weird and alien, I thought, as they regarded me thoughtfully. His hair was so platinum blond that it was almost white, and it always seemed to be in perfect order. I had to wonder if it was so by magic. As I stared at him, I pondered what it must be like having lived 187 years already. The way things were going, I would be lucky to make it to 21. 187 seemed laughably far away from now. How in the world did all of this Kaz crap fall into MY lap? My life had been rough enough already before this, why did this Kaz ordeal have to step in and complicate things when everything was just starting to level out for me?

But……… I suppose it would be an utter waste of my Manifestation if I just sat around and lived a boring, normal life like my mother had, as much as that idea appealed to me right now. If this was something I can do, and Hathandar thought we could actually succeed in doing it, who was I to argue? What was that saying? The good die young? Yeah, that's it.

I just wish I could've had a family, first. For a little while, at least. I had thought I had plenty of time, but it just wasn't the case. And here Tion had told me yesterday that he wouldn't be ready to start a family for another 50 years. I wish I had the luxury to wait around for decades before starting a family. I have so many regrets about my life, and have absolutely no time nor way to settle any of them before this impending end. And maybe I would survive. But who would I have become at the end of it all? Geez, Hathandar is crazy for believing this possible.

“I suppose we deserved it,” I replied finally, “That Hathandar delegate this task back to us after we attempted to delegate it to him.” I smiled a little at our conceit. But really, it is true – who can kill a god but another god? We are nowhere near godly-level powers. It was the natural thing for us to do.

Tion raised an eyebrow at that. “Why do the task if you think Hathandar's over-estimating your abilities to complete it?” He in turn asked.

“Because…” I trailed off, running my hand through my hair. “Because….” I tried to find the words, but was having a bit of difficulty. Why should we do it, really? Well, more-or-less because if Kaz can't give up this Azranael resurrection thing, then Farne would never be safe while he still lived. His actions had the potential to impact the entire world in a particularly negative way. But I couldn't really tell Tion that, so I went for a more abstract response. “Because the needs of the many outweigh the need of the one.” It did sound kind of lame.

He tilted his head at my response, and studied my face silently. Then replied finally, “if there is anything I can do for you, please, let me know.” People seemed to be saying that to me a lot lately.

I looked down at my feet in silence for a few minutes. Finally, I asked, somewhat stupidly, looking up at him sheepishly, “Tion, do elves like to snuggle?”

He flushed again (what!) and smiled at my idiotic question, replying, “sure. Do you want to come over?”

I nodded and he stood, offering me a hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet next to him. With that, we headed from the temple back to his small apartment.

Despite not being drunk this time, I felt a lot less weird about being here this time as I stepped across the threshold. Tion was still decidedly odd, but he was nice to me and easily put up with my annoying questions and brutish human behavior, which I appreciated very much.

I sat down at the sitting table and he poured me some wine. I didn't really say much, my mind being lost in a swirl of tumultuous thoughts. Of course he knew I was in a mood of sorts, so he didn't bother me much.

After while, he positioned himself behind me and began massaging my shoulders quite expertly. He told me he could feel a lot of tension in me. Heh, no kidding. But it did feel really good; I could definitely get used to this sort of thing. He rubbed my shoulders for quite a long time. I hadn't been all that horny when I had arrived to his apartment, but with his hands on me and all, it was definitely creeping up on me.

He ended up giving me a full body massage, and by the time he was done, I found that I really, REALLY wanted him. I suppose it wasn't too much of a surprise given my behavior of late and Tion's skill. Anyway, I told him as much, and he happily complied. Following that, I curled myself up around him and we went to sleep.

I still maintain that elves are strange, and Tion in particular was additionally strange besides that. I didn't really think humans appealed to elves all that much, not like the other way around. Then again, being a follower of Hathandar, I suppose it would make sense that he would be accepting of either half of Hathandar's “ethnicity”. Especially if he had left Valenesti to live in Sturmgaard, a primarily human country. I wondered why he had gone this direction with his life, but…. didn't really feel like asking him about it right now.

As I got up to leave the next morning, I told him I'd be leaving town. He asked me when I'd be back. I told him that I didn't know, and it was possible that I wouldn't be back. He frowned at that, saying that that made him unhappy. I smiled faintly and said, well, I may be back tomorrow or I may be tied up for weeks before… well… you know. Do you want me to stop by if I do return in the intervening time?

He said that he would very much like that. I told him I would, if we came back.

Well, I said after a moment, I had better get going. I thanked him for everything he had done for me, and for putting up with my moodiness and stuff. I gave him a long hug, kissing him on the cheek before heading out and back to the house to meet up with the boys in order to get going on this red-head rescue mission thing.